This week for Josie’s writing workshop over at Sleep is for the weak I opted for promt one. “Tell me about someone from you past who you lost touch with and who you often think about.” This one has a happy ending!
I met M age 17, he was friends with my best friends big brother and we met on a night out for her brothers 21st birthday. I noticed him straight away, tall and good looking and a bit less of an extrovert than the others. We kissed that night and went our separate ways. Desperate to see him again, my friend “accidentally” got his number off her brothers home and I rang and left M a message. I have never asked anyone out before but for some reason I thought M was worth putting myself through the nerve wracking experience of calling him. He called back and we arranged to meet, our relationship developed and we ended up moving in with each other. Prior to us moving in with each other I suffered a miscarriage, the baby wasn’t planned and I was very young and confused and wasn’t quite sure what I was feeling or what I should be feeling. I was offered the chance to be a holiday rep that summer and feeling like I needed a fresh start I took the job and left M behind, we broke up and as far as I was concerned he hated me for putting him through that.
Over the last ten years I often found myself thinking about M and what he was doing. I always regretted ending things the way I did and the way that I reacted to the miscarriage, I fled instead of talking through what was getting me down. But looking back I now realise that I was deeply depressed and needed to do that for myself, it made me stronger and I gained confidence by the bucket load. M was always the one, I compared other boyfriends to him and no one ever quite measured up. Needless to say I remained single for years without commiting to a relationship because there was always something missing – it turned out, that something missing was M. I ended up with a nice man, bit of a door mat (not to me I hasten to add, but his ex who he had a child with – trust me she was an absolute nightmare, but that’s another story!) and when he asked me to marry him I said yes, not because I felt butterflies when he asked me, or was in love with him, but because I thought that he was all I was going to get – I was nearing 30 and didn’t think I would have a chance with anyone else. I’d started planning my wedding when who should I get a message from on Facebook, but M! Within a week I knew that I was making a mistake by considering marrying my ex and I wasn’t doing it for the right reasons and I split up with him.
M and I continued to chat online and catch up about what had happened in our lives over the last ten years. We eventually met up and this time I did get the butterflies when I saw him standing there at my door, looking even more gorgeous than he had all those years ago. We did a LOT of talking about what went wrong back then, and it all boils down to me being too young to be able to cope with the miscarriage and settle down. I finally got to explain why I did what I did and apologise for leaving him in the lurch and that’s all I had wanted. Luckily for me though, it was like we had never been apart and we decided to give it another go, and now exactly a year later, we are very happy and even though he is further away than I would like now he’s working in Spain, we can’t wait for the day that E and I eventually move out there with him and M and can start a family of our own.